Sinful Saint Story ~ Part 2

Date of Occurence: Sunday, July 11, 2010. Clear.

2AM. DD and I sleep together. His arm closely holds me. I feel comfort. I feel guilty.

4AM. I wake up earlier. We sleep apart. I try to get close to him again. I hold him from back. Still cant sleep.

4.30AM. I get crazy again. I grope his crotch. He didnt wake up.

5.30AM. I kiss him. He wake up. We made out (again).

7AM. We hug. He goes home.

I prepare myself for the church. The church? Do I still have worthiness to go to church?

8.30AM. I arrive at the church. Everybody greets me well. Everything goes as usual.

9AM. The Sacrament meeting starts. I dont partook of it. Nobody notices. Or maybe nobody even cares. I am sleepy. I only slept for 2 hours.

11AM. Priesthood class. My head is dizzy. Many things are going on my mind. I've been feeling guilty since I arrived at the church. I committed the second greatest sin. I am extremely confused. I am guilty...

I go to kitchen. I take some glass of water. Then... I see a big knife. It's just been used by somebody. It was left there. Was it for me?

I took the knife. I checked it. It was still sharp. I saw my back. Nobody. Everybody is in their class. I saw outside through window. Nobody, except a parking guard. Was he looking at me?

I dont care. I pressed the knife to my stomach. It hurts a little bit. I can feel its sharp point.

I stop.

Is this what I want? Die?

I hate myself. I shouldnt have had sex. It was a stupid mistake.

I am a proudful man. I always keep my own word. But now, I just broke my own vow. I am so ashamed of myself!

I decide to think thoroughly first about this matter. I need a clear head.

I go home. I go to my room. I sleep. I need it.

Merci,

-M-

The Sinful Saint Story ~ Part 1

Date of Occurrence: Saturday, July 10, 2010. Clear.

5PM. Chatting with DD through YM. We've been talking to each other for the last few weeks. The last time we met was about 2 years ago. 

He asks me to meet. It's Saturday night, I'm lonely, have nothing to do. I agree to meet. 

7PM. He arrives at my house. Dark. I still can see his face. He is still as handsome as the first time we met. No, he is cuter than before. 

We goes to his neighbor's wedding. We ride his motorbike. I dont mind with motorbike. On the way, another motorbike get an accident right in front of us. DD stops. I tell him to go on and leave the scene. We continue our trip.

8PM. We arrive at the wedding. The groom is likely a gay also. I can tell from his subtle flamboyant behavior. 

At the ballroom. I can see DD's face clearly. He is really cute. He is taller than me. He is quite masculine. He is thin. He looks good in his shirt.

The food is not delicious. 

I dont recognize anyone. But, I see some gays.

8.35PM. We go back to my house. We drop by to buy some cakes and fried chicken.

9.15PM. We arrive at my house. Say hi to my mom. She doesnt suspect anything. I used to bring some friends to my room.

At my room. I turn the AC and music on. DD sit by the bed. I sit on the other side of my bed. We talk many things. His job. His life for the last 2 years. My study. My life for the last 2 years. etc.

11PM. He sits next to me. He gets closer. We talk again. Then he tells me to come closer. We cuddle. He plays with my head. He kisses my bald head. It's just a peck. Then he pecks again. Again. Again. And again.

I hold his arm tighter. He kisses my cheek. Then we kisses each other. Only a small peck at first. It continues. The kiss becomes more passionate. 

What happens next? I cant give you the details. You know it. Kiss here, kiss there. Grab here, grab there. And the rest is history. DARK history.....

O God, what have I done?!

Merci,

-M-

===================

PS: For my background info, please read My First Official Post

Happy Sinful Sunday

I'm so full of sin that I dont even know where I'll end up when I die. Heaven won't take me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.... Happy Sinful Sunday!

To Heaven or To Hell?

My First Official Post

Friday, July 16, 2010. Cloudy in the morning, Clear in the afternoon. 

My first official post. I welcome you, whoever you are. 

My Introduction:

Gay.
Converted to Mormon.

Baptized and promised to live as a saint.

Been a saint for almost a year.
Stressed out.
Recently committed big sin.

Confused.

Afraid.

Ashamed.

Need to share some stories.

Need some advices.

Need to be heard.

I will post the stories soon.

Merci,

-M-

Testing post

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum."